This one time...

.... I was really emo. (Okay, more than just one time...) and then I started reading "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis. Can I say awesome? Yes. I will. Awesome. Seriously. C.S. Lewis is a genius. The book is a compilation of letters from a devil to his nephew giving him tips on how best to trip up and tempt and discourage and ensnare someone he is trying to make fall. It's a real eye opener. And though I don't agree with EVERYTHING Lewis portrays... it is very interesting. And it's making me think.. which is always a good thing. It's always amazing to me how something written by someone I've never met can have such a big impact on my life and way of thinking. Literature is awesome.

I've recently rediscovered stumbleupon and I love it! I love having it stumble for JUST psychology related things. I love psychology. I love experiments that test human nature and how we think and feel and react to things. It's awesome.

Also it's my birthday on the 31st. And I requested a camera. I'm kind of excited about it, actually. :) Because then I will be able to take pictures and SHOW you my life instead of just writing boring words about it. :)

HOLY HANNAH! My N key just popped off my keyboard. Eff my life. Now my laptop looks all ghetto.

Meh. I don't feel like doing a words of wisdom for the day... sorry. Good night!

Another "I Like" Post. Because it's awesome.

I like midnight movies. I like movies that keep me guessing and that make me think about life. I like driving. I like road trips. I like being up late by myself. I like snow falling. I like hot chocolate. I like the rain and sitting inside reading Jane Eyre listening to thunder (not that I've had a chance to do that yet this year because it HASN'T RAINED YET! Stupid sky.) I like the idea of being in love. I like writing. I like making music. I like trying to make up harmonies to songs on the radio and actually sounding GOOD. I like helping people understand things. I like reading about the human mind.. and human nature... and the good and bad in people. I like making good choices. I like feeling happy and accomplished. I like seeing my little cousins grow up and develop personalities. I like seeing my best friend in love and as happy as I've ever seen her. I like that my hair is getting longer. I like that my contacts are only supposed to last 3 or 4 months.. but I've been wearing the same ones for 9... HA! I like my Shawna. And I want to visit her because I miss her like crazy... and I want her by me telling me everything's going to be fantastic in my life and I won't always be lonely and disappointed.... Don't get me wrong, I love life. I love feeling and being and experiencing. But I'm still lonely... and I'm still disappointed. My life is fantastic. It's just funny... and rather ironic... that what I've always wanted... my best friend has. She has someone to LOVE her. I really don't know if anyone has ever been in love with me. She always said I had plenty of boys... and I did. I always had a boy to be with, to get to know. But I never had boys love me. Not like boys love her. She never really had boys. Just a couple. But those couple fell in love with her.. and I mean REALLY in love with her. ... am I just not a lovable person? I don't understand. Something that I want so badly just can't seem to happen for me. Something I've been YEARNING for ever since I can remember... is something she didn't even want. Something she didn't want to happen, in fact. And yet, she has it now. And I know this is sounding like I'm insanely jealous of her... but I'm not. I get giddy just thinking about how GIDDY she is. She is so happy and I LOVE that. I'm not jealous of what she has.. I'm jealous of what I don't.

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. Whenever I meet someone new I give it my all. I let it all loose and try to show them my everything. I just want them to know ME. All of me. All of my weird, stupid, selfish, so so caring, nerdy, loving, strong, independent, dependent, lost, hopeful, musical, fearful, spiritual, exciting, obnoxious ME. And no one's ever been in love with all of me before. In fact, I've had a boy tell me he really liked the IDEA of me... but then got to know me better.. and didn't like me anymore. OUCH. How am I supposed to take that standing up and confident?

You tell me.

I need to go to sleep. It's too late to be thinking about these things.

The end.

I'm really really really really really really curious...

...to know who reads my blog. SO ... if you read it... Or if you sometimes glance over it because my posts are freakishly long and don't have pictures because I don't have a camera and when I try and draw it looks like a handicapped 1st grader drew it and you don't want to read the WHOLE thing... or if you're just reading it for the first time ever ever and you just clicked on my link from facebook... PLEASE leave a comment telling me you were here. You don't have to have a blogger account to do it. Just leave a comment saying, "Hey.. I was here. I read it, yo! I got yo back, Annie.. you're not talking to the 3 people that originally read your blog from the beginning. Also you're funny and awesome and pretty and cool." (Okay, that last part was probably just me getting a little carried away... but you get the picture.) Because I have this statcounter thingy on my blog.. that tells me how many pageloads I get in a day. And when I post it's usually about 40 hits a day.. which isn't very many still... but it could just be the same 3 people rereading my posts because I'm THAT funny. (I wish.)

But anyway. Just thought I'd ask.. because I want to know. "A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That's why they don't get what they want." -Madonna! Words to live by, my lovelies.

However, I must get to bed.. because I am getting my teeth cleaned at 7:40 tomorrow morning!! I'm so excited!.... not for waking up early.. but for getting my teeth cleaned! It's always a jolly occasion. It makes my teeth happy. And when my teeth are happy.. I'm happy. :)

Good night, dearies.

P.S. OH YEAH!! I was going to tell you a story but I couldn't remember what I was going to say before I published this.. but now I do! My Junior year in high school I had the craziest History teacher ever. She never really taught... she stole power point presentations from other teachers and would just read off of those to the class. And most of the time she would mispronounce or just flat out tell us lies from history. When we were learning about the big move West she called Joseph Smith, John Smith. I was all, "Whaaaa?" It was silly. ANYWAY. One time she gave us an assignment to make a timeline of the revolution. We had to draw at least 5 pictures along the timeline... well, I KNOW that I'm a terrible artist. I just know. However, my little sister, Kelene, freaking DOMINATES the arts. For serious. So I went home and asked her to draw the pictures for me.. she was totally willing to, because she's super nice and pretty like that.. but Mom wouldn't let her! She said it was MY homework.. so I should do it. Ridic. So I sat down and worked on that stupid assignment for TWO HOURS! Two hours to draw 5 little itty bitty pictures on a timeline. It looked awful, and I knew it.. but I had given it my all! I turned it in when it was due and a couple days later the teacher got up in front of the class and told us overall we hadn't done very well on the assignment. She then proceeded to say that she WAS pleased with SOME of the students' work. For example: "This one" (insert very pretty, well planned out timeline done by someone with a decent amount of artistic skill. Definitely a girl.) "However," she said, "Some of you did not put in any effort at ALL. I was very disappointed. Some of the drawings looked like a SECOND GRADER could have done better. Like this one." (insert MY timeline. At least she didn't say who drew it, right?) Yeah, needless to say.. she wasn't my favorite teacher after that. Also, Kelene was allowed to draw for me from then on. The end.

(Wasn't that RUDE though??? Seriously. Rude. I worked so hard! Poo on her!)

Dear Me..

I'm stealing this idea from Busy Bee Lauren... who is hilarious. So don't think I'm all cool and came up with this myself. MMMkay?

Dear Me,

Remember that one time when you fainted at work? And then the next day it felt like your body had been trampled by the talons of a Tyrannosaurus Rex? Well hey. Don't do that anymore. Okay?

Love, Me.

Dear Me,

Remember that one time when you hadn't showered for almost 4 days AGAIN?? Hey, you should shower more. Just saying. And remember when you finally showered and you saw yourself naked for the first time in a while and your brain said to you, "You're not as hot as you used to be."? You should work on that. By not eating fatty foods so much.. and maybe moving once in a while... and not eating after 10 pm. Yeah. That would help.

Thanks, Me.

Dear Me,

Remember when you wanted to go on dates with boys? If you talk to boys that would help. And give you fun stories to blog about. Do it!

Obviously, Me.

Dear Me,

You should clean your room.

You're filthy, Me.

Dear Me,

You should start reading your scriptures every day again. It makes you happy! Don't you remember? Yeah, well you should. It's awesome. And it makes Jesus happy.

-Me.

Dear Words of Wisdom for the Day,

You are cool. People like you. Or so meself has been told. Keep up the good work. And for today you will be that sometimes it is so awesome to talk to yourself through letters.. to yourself. Which reminds me of a really really funny story that I will tell after I finish this letter.

Sincerely, Me.

This one time.. I was best friends with a girl named Brittany. And we both liked this boy named Justin. And when I say liked.. I mean we LOVED him.. and fought over him.. and tried to convince each other that he was really in love with MEEEE and not YOU! Stupid head. So this one time I had this brilliant idea that I was going to write a love letter.. from Justin.. to Me.. telling me of his undying love for me.. and that he wanted to run away together. JUST TO MAKE BRITTANY JEALOUS! So I wrote it. It was brilliant. Even at such a young age I just had a way with words. But then I was finished and there was irrigation outside.. so I decided to go make a beaver dam in the gutter with the overflowing water. I traveled down the street where the most water was.. gathering sticks and leaves to stop the flow.. when my Dad stuck his head out the door and hollered for me. WELL I wasn't finished playing yet, so I just pretended I didn't hear him. I didn't think much of it. ... until the next day at school. It was recess time and we were all running and frolicking about when I saw Justin at the drinking fountain. So of course I ran over to "get a drink" and say HELLO. But as soon as he saw me coming.. he ran away. And he just kept running away whenever I'd try to talk to him. I went home downtrodden and sorrowful. When my dad came home... all was revealed. My father had found the note I'd written the day before.. and tried to call me in to talk to me about it. But when I didn't come in HE CALLED JUSTIN'S DAD AND ASKED HIM ABOUT IT. Who then talked to Justin about it. Imagine my mortification. You can't. It's too much. Everything turned out okay though. Justin and I are still friends. Or we WERE until he abandoned me for a mission. It's cool, I'm proud of him. And he's awesome. And we even laughed about that a few times... not until about 9 years after it happened though. HA! Good times.

The end. :)

So this one time...

I fainted. At work. AKA Walgreens. In front of people. While I was straightening some shampoo on a shelf. It was a hard day. Getting stuff ready for school has been really really hard. I don't remember it being this hard signing up for BYU Idaho... which is very discouraging. I wasn't feeling so good today.. as in I was feeling sick! So that didn't help. And then I got to work... and got worse.. and worse and couldn't stop crying. And then I passed out. But then I got to come home and watch Aristocats and eat quesadillas and drink milk and sit on the couch and relax! Which was grand. But overall.... it was a rather emotional day.

I was thinking today about why I blog. Honest to goodness, I do it solely for selfish reasons. I love to write because it's therapeutic for me. Whenever I have an excess of emotion... it's easier for me to write it down and just get it all out. I've never been good with words. I have a very hard time saying out loud the perfect speech I just wrote in my head... the speech that said exactly what I meant and how I felt in a perfectly sensible way. When I try and transfer that speech from my brain to my vocal chords and out my mouth... it gets jumbled. Kind of like ordering a hamburger and shake... and they have all the PERFECT mouthwatering ingredients in the kitchen... but then the kitchen somehow puts the fixings for the hamburger in the blender and the ice cream on the bun... you get what you ordered... just in a really disgusting, mixed up way. I have a feeling that was a terrible metaphor... but get over it. I've had a hard day! And I may have bumped my head... don't judge me.

However, some things I really just can't blog about. So I'll journal them. So I can still remember the things I've done and the lessons I've learned. I suppose I'll make that my words of wisdom for the day... because I'm tired and I want to go to bed. Document your life. Take pictures. Write down memories. Record revelations and lessons learned. We're supposed to remember the good and the bad. Hopefully more good than bad... but the bad so we can keep moving forward and getting better and better! I struggle with a lot of things. I'm not the best person. I'm not always happy. But looking back on times when I was better... and when I was happier... gives me hope that I can be that way again someday.. and even better.. and happier. The end. :)

Holy FIFTIETH post!!!

Sweet mother of Bambi... I have 50 whole posts on my blog. I'm so cool. For serious. I'm so proud of myself for being a for realsies blogger!

I really wasn't sure what to write about.... But I was thinking about it at work... and I had a few ideas come to me... so I'll just write down what I wrote on the piece of paper.. and then explain them all. Because they're all FUNNY! And awesome. Okay here we go!!

Adrian-Pharmacy-hit on- haven't showered in 3 days??- also sports bra! no boobs. hilar.

Crazy drunken lady. Laughing at abusive bf. no idea what talking about.

I love the smell of dirt and cold.

I think I'm attracted to big noses.

Okay. Adrian. He is a boy that works back in the pharmacy as a tech. I see him look at me. You know.. that LOOK. And he always tries to come to my register whenever he buys something. Seriously. There can be 3 people in line at my register and he WAITS. Good times. Well today he came over... just to chat. Weird. He asked when I was transferring over to pharmacy (because that was the plan before I decided to move to Gilbert) and I said I'm not! I'm moving to Gilbert. And then he made a sad face and then proceeded to try and flirt with me.. which he has not braved before. It was hilarious. He was super awkward and kept stuttering and blushing, however, he is attractive so I forgave him. :) But then he dropped the f bomb and I was all, "Oh no he di-int!" which kind of shattered all the hopes and dreams he once had of us being wed and making hot babies together. But it was super funny because I had not showered in.... seriously... 3 days. I know. Disgusting. Don't judge. I didn't even see anyone this weekend!! ... and then on top of not showering... I was wearing a sports bra... meaning you couldn't tell I have boobs. AND I was wearing leftover make up from... Friday. He just HAD to hit on me on the day I was feeling freaking NASTY. Oh well. I'm over it.

And then there was the crazy tipsy lady who came in looking for some more booz... but we didn't have the kind she likes anyway... so her boyfriend just went to the bathroom and she starts rambling about how he doesn't respect women and just walks all over them but she was laughing and just rolling her eyes like she loved it. I was confused. And she just kept talking and talking as I checked out other customers... it didn't phase her... I don't think she took a breath for 4 minutes straight. It was amazing. And I had no idea what she was talking about. Weird.

And then this lady came and bought some potting soil. And it smelled SOOOO GOOD! I wanted to go out and garden RIGHT THEN. Heavens. It smelled aMAZing. I wanted that dirty soil under my fingernails. And then I started thinking about how I also love the smell of cold. And sometimes I go in the cooler at work just so I can smell the cold. That is the one thing I really miss about Rexburg... the cold smell. And if you don't know what cold smell I'm talking about... don't be jealous. You have to be SPECIAL to smell it. Okay, you can be jealous. :)

And last.. for tonight... I think I'm attracted to big noses. This guy came into Walgreens today and I said to myself, He is very attractive and tall and good bodied and if he ended up having a dashing personality, I would make out with him. And then he turned to the side and his nose was like, 'Woahhh Nelly! I'm a mountain growing out of his face!' But it was somehow hot and I still wanted to make out with him... if he had a dashing personality. And then I realized all the boys I've liked since.... a long time... have had fairly to very large noses. And I LIKE it. It was a nice revelation. Now I don't have to be weird and slightly awkward when a boy I like has a big nose... I'll just OWN the fact that I LIKE it. Awesome.

And there was more on the list... but I'm too tired to blog it now... So you'll have to wait!! Dreadfully sorry.

I'm sorry it was such a lamesauce 50th post. The 100th will be much better and funnier and awesomer, I promise! Maybe by then I'll have a boy to post funny things about and we'll have funny stories and jolly good times. But for now Walgreens stories will have to do!

EXCEPT!!! For my words of wisdom for the day: Have faith. Have faith in yourself. In your dreams. In your abilities. In the people around you. In your family. In your friends. In your religion. In your Christ. In your God! I think the world has too little faith. I think there is more good out there than we think. It's easier to focus on the bad for some reason instead of the good. But if we can just remember to have a little FAITH that people are generally good, that we CAN do great things, and that God WILL help us achieve our greatest potential... we'll be happy beyond measure and everything we can dream of will be possible. I realize that was incredibly sappy and Oprah-esque.... but it's true nonetheless. The end. :)

Another one?? Whaaa?

I know, I know. Two posts in one day? What am I thinking? I'll tell you.

I GOT TO SEE FIREWORKS AFTER ALL!! :) It made me mucho grande happy! They were awesome of course. Fireworks are definitely near the tippy top of my favorites list. I went to my aunt's house.. that I'm moving in with and watched them with her family. It was a very very nice evening. :) I took Jamie with me and she had a blast playing with all the little kids. When we first got there my aunt's two big dogs literally scared the pee and poo out of her.... HA! But then she got used to it and ate up the attention!

Also I love Lost. The tv show.

Also I'm really excited for my family to come home tomorrow...I'm a little lonely in the house all by myself.

Also I had an older and wiser friend tell me to find a boy and use him shamelessly to get over Hairy Ben. I'll keep you updated!

Also I want to make myself a cup of tea right now. Herbal! Don't worry.

Also I realized today that I have 2 random places in my hair that grow out as perfect ringlets. The rest is STRAIGHT as a pair of 70's Bell Bottom Jeans (which I realize are not that straight... but my hair IS straight but flips out at the ends... just like bell bottom jeans.... anyway). The ringlety spots are a lovely chunk right in the middle of my bangs... which is inconvenient... and another chunk at the bottom that always falls out of my ponytail. What the random, right?

Also I found this quote that I absolutely ADORE. I have no idea where it's from or who said it. But I can't WAIT to feel this way about someone. :)

"There is just something about you that makes me want to sing... maybe it's because you are music itself."

Uhm.. HELLO. Awesome, right? I love it. A lot.

And I have more wisdom for the day. I know, "How can she be this wise at such a young age," you ask. It's a gift. ;) But ANYWAY. Spend time with family. Lots of time. I mean, I know it's important for me to get out there with new people to mix and mingle and know people so I can date and make decisions and find that special someone ... or whatever. But there's just something about spending time with people you KNOW you'll have FOREVER no matter what... that just makes me happy. The end. :)