I don't want to.

But I should blog. So I will. I'm so freaking tired. And sick.

I had a weird experience today.

I was at the institute building talking with my friend Makenzie. I had to use the restroom and when I got back Makenzie was bawling.
She said she'd just got a call telling her her favorite cousin, who was mother to two kids, had been addicted to prescription drugs and had overdosed that day.

She was dead.

What?

In shock. Crying. Horrible. Uncomfortable. So so so so sorry!

All I could do was tell her I was sorry. And rub her back and touch her arm. Just squeeze. I offered her a ride to anywhere, she didn't need to be here, with people looking at her crying.

She opted to just clean herself up in the bathroom.

So I prayed for guidance about what to say or do to help her. And she needed a hug.

I went to the bathroom where she'd locked herself in a stall and asked her if I could give her a hug.

And I held her as tight as I could. I heard somewhere that pressure, like a hug, just squeezing, is a natural way to calm someone down. It makes you feel safe, and close. Or something.

So I held her tight. And almost hoped I'd get some mascara on my white shirt for some reason. She was just so sad. And she sobbed on me.

And then she was finished, for right then. And I helped her clean the make up off her face and gave her another hug, but not a squeezing hug. That would start the tears again, at least it would for me.

And then she wanted to take a nap and I had class.

And that was it.

But that's the closest to death I've ever been.

I've seen a dead body. A couple dead bodies. I've seen people in my family be sad over dead people, but I've never seen it like that. Never so fresh. I was little so they would tell me later, after the shock.

It made me think of how I'd feel to lose a cousin. But I couldn't finish the thought because I hate crying.

And now I have to think about my first real life experience with death. Real LIFE because I saw what it did to the living.

I'll just have to go from there.

I sorta need a hug...